After writing thoughts on “pearls of encouragement” it seems appropriate to offer some thoughts on feedback. This word feedback often scares us, especially when it comes in the form of constructive criticism. However, there is a lot of growth that can occur from good feedback, especially when it takes us into new areas or allows us to address “blind spots.”
A good friend is not afraid to address those things that are holding us back and tell us about it frankly. The “not-so-good” friends are ones that watch us destroy ourselves or allow us to miss opportunities to grow.
Is there “bad” feedback? The answer is yes, but I urge you to proceed with caution. Just because we don’t like a comment or suggestion does not make it bad. Often the thing that hits us where we live is what we most need to hear. This is different from negative comments meant to tear down. Let me be clear, THAT IS NOT FEEDBACK! Negative or biting words often spring from jealousy or a manipulation. That is clearly a personal problem. Do not engage! That’s when those pearls come into play, especially if you’re dealing with a boss or loved one.
The wisdom in dealing with feedback comes from two main areas: analyzing the source, and the ability to differentiate what someone is telling us. My grandfather use to call it “eating the meat, and throwing out the bones.” More on this later.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Pearls of Encouragement
We’ve heard of “Pearls of Wisdom,” what about “Pearls of Encouragement?”
This would be phrases or “tidbits” we’ve heard from others that keep us going in difficult times.
What do people do with pearls? They keep them in a safe place and treasure them. I’m suggesting we do the same with positive feedback people have given us; keep them in a safe place and know where they are so we can retrieve them when necessary.
Here are examples of mine:
“You’re a good man, Shawn.”
“You’re a talented man, Shawn”
“The only thing I have to say about you, is you often sell yourself short”
“Man, you must be successful at anything you do!”
The second and third ones are the most interesting due to the circumstances they sprung from. The second phrase is one of the compliments I treasure the most, because it came from a boss that was extremely tough to please, yet in spite of his ultra-criticism, he saw my capabilities. The fourth one is also important because it came from a highly respected mentor.
Which brings me to my last point. Although many suffer from over-confidence that needs to be broken, some of us truly need to shore up our understanding of how truly good we are. Not from a position of conceit, but from the standpoint of having a good grasp on what we are good it…knowing our strengths and weaknesses. There is nothing wrong with being secure in our strengths.
For this, I recommend asking those who observe us (not just loved ones) where we are strong. We should actually SEEK PEARLS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. Then, we will have more to keep in a safe place, and more reserve for those difficult times.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Life's Hurdles and Obstacles
We have to take time to get over "hurdles" or obstacles that stand in our way of success. Actually, the important thing is to change the way we view them in the first place.
Are they hurdles or are they character builders that will promote inner strength? Is it a nuisance that we have to get over, possibly remove, or is it an opportunity to learn what we have inside of us? Instead of seeking to remove the mountain, embrace the experience and take it in.
It's not what's on the other side, it's what we get out of it during the journey. If we are always complaining about what is not right and how things "should be", the opportunity for clarity might be missed.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Being a Mentee Has Changed
It is difficult to be in a mentorship relationship in today's corporate world. One of the most difficult aspects is due to the fact experienced workers are not staying in positions long enough to implement the "take him under my wing" forever approach.
Nowadays, the buzzwords are networking, linking, and "helping." In other words, to be truly successful, we need to learn how to treat those relationships.
Because time is so compressed, we need to ensure that value is offered from our end, rather than expecting an individual to engage in a one-sided relationship. How can we offer assistance on a project, lend unique skills, or help them prepare for meetings? In this way, the mentor will view a protege as a resource and not a drain. It's also key to have a "stable" of mentors who can expose us to various aspects of the organization. They need to view us as personable, positive, and willing to help.
Ultimately, the principles being emphasized are ones that stress connectivity and mutual benefit, rather than just "what is he/she going to do for me?" Perhaps this is due to a fast paced world, where technology is an instrument of constant change and nothing remains stagnant. However, I believe it also shows how spiritual principles are being re-introduced in the workplace, and that to be truly successful, we have to think beyond just climbing the ladder.
Nowadays, the buzzwords are networking, linking, and "helping." In other words, to be truly successful, we need to learn how to treat those relationships.
Because time is so compressed, we need to ensure that value is offered from our end, rather than expecting an individual to engage in a one-sided relationship. How can we offer assistance on a project, lend unique skills, or help them prepare for meetings? In this way, the mentor will view a protege as a resource and not a drain. It's also key to have a "stable" of mentors who can expose us to various aspects of the organization. They need to view us as personable, positive, and willing to help.
Ultimately, the principles being emphasized are ones that stress connectivity and mutual benefit, rather than just "what is he/she going to do for me?" Perhaps this is due to a fast paced world, where technology is an instrument of constant change and nothing remains stagnant. However, I believe it also shows how spiritual principles are being re-introduced in the workplace, and that to be truly successful, we have to think beyond just climbing the ladder.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Metamorphosis
Are you going through a metamorphosis? Recently I looked up this word and found it involved four key characteristics:
It is a process of change or transformation
It proceeds in distinct stages
The change that occurs tends to be conspicuous and relatively abrupt
It's ultimately inevitable
In these difficult and trying times, you may be undergoing a transformation. My son, who is going to college has "mixed" emotions. He is somewhat afraid of the unknown, but he will undergo a necessary transformation. College life (and the experiences he will encounter) are only the beginning.
So it is with the rest of us. We have to go through changes, sometimes they are abrupt and unexpected (think of this economic turmoil). Just like the caterpillar, however painful and difficult, it is both necessary and inevitable. When we come out on the other side, a new beginning awaits us, one that is visible and ultimately, a great improvement. Just like my son though, we have to embrace it and not be afraid to move forward.
It is a process of change or transformation
It proceeds in distinct stages
The change that occurs tends to be conspicuous and relatively abrupt
It's ultimately inevitable
In these difficult and trying times, you may be undergoing a transformation. My son, who is going to college has "mixed" emotions. He is somewhat afraid of the unknown, but he will undergo a necessary transformation. College life (and the experiences he will encounter) are only the beginning.
So it is with the rest of us. We have to go through changes, sometimes they are abrupt and unexpected (think of this economic turmoil). Just like the caterpillar, however painful and difficult, it is both necessary and inevitable. When we come out on the other side, a new beginning awaits us, one that is visible and ultimately, a great improvement. Just like my son though, we have to embrace it and not be afraid to move forward.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Singleness of Focus
Recently I had a talk with my son, who is going to college, about a narrow focus. Normally we tell our kids not to "niche" themselves with their major or field of study. Be open to all ideas and various courses; you never know what opportunities college will bring. Sounds like good advice right?
Well, recently I've been rethinking this philosophy. Maybe we should be teaching our children to to focus early on what they want to be, and "sticking with it," especially if they already have an early inspiration of their career goal. What if their chosen career goal involves a lot of preparation, such as a physician or neuro scientist? Isn't it better for them to learn to focus early (even at the expense of pursuing other avenues of study) and not waste valuable time?
Getting back to my son, he initially wanted to design cars for the auto industry. He use to tell everyone who asked his career goal in no uncertain terms: "I want to design cars, not the inside, just the body." Since then I've read about several head design chiefs in the automobile industry who have made it to the top with a singleness of focus and a dogged determination that started at an early age. I also have the personal experience of moving in and out of various jobs feeling just a little (or a lot) frustrated that I am not doing exactly what I am created for.
Partially due to this experience and the other factors I mentioned above such as the prospect of wasting valuable time, I now feel that moving in one direction is not so bad. Maybe we should re-evaluate what we are telling our kids, especially when we are spending money for their education :-). What do you think?
Well, recently I've been rethinking this philosophy. Maybe we should be teaching our children to to focus early on what they want to be, and "sticking with it," especially if they already have an early inspiration of their career goal. What if their chosen career goal involves a lot of preparation, such as a physician or neuro scientist? Isn't it better for them to learn to focus early (even at the expense of pursuing other avenues of study) and not waste valuable time?
Getting back to my son, he initially wanted to design cars for the auto industry. He use to tell everyone who asked his career goal in no uncertain terms: "I want to design cars, not the inside, just the body." Since then I've read about several head design chiefs in the automobile industry who have made it to the top with a singleness of focus and a dogged determination that started at an early age. I also have the personal experience of moving in and out of various jobs feeling just a little (or a lot) frustrated that I am not doing exactly what I am created for.
Partially due to this experience and the other factors I mentioned above such as the prospect of wasting valuable time, I now feel that moving in one direction is not so bad. Maybe we should re-evaluate what we are telling our kids, especially when we are spending money for their education :-). What do you think?
Feedback With Generation Y
As we adjust to technology in the current work environment, our methods of delivering feedback have also changed. We also have to manage the type of feedback and frequency, especially with the current generation (i.e., Y, Echo-Boomers). Why, you ask? It's because of the attitudes and perspectives this group brings into the workplace.
Frequency: Generation Y workers need more consistent feedback. Since they want to become immediate contributors, they also want immediate feedback. It is important to provide small-course corrections early on, so you are not coming back to them at a later date trying to conduct a major overhaul. It will be too late.
Frequent praise: This group was raised with much more praise than baby boomers, so they need to know early and often if they are doing well. This approach will help "keep them in the game" so you don't lose their attention.
Constant Learning: Echo-boomers want to constantly learn new skills and achieve new platitudes. Whether it's a new project, task, or attending a seminar (make sure it's relevant to their job!), you'll be much more likely to keep them engaged.
Unfortunately, these characteristics will not change with the upcoming generation (X), it will only intensify due to the fact this group is growing up with digital technology and, therefore, frequent communication is even more of a reality.
Frequency: Generation Y workers need more consistent feedback. Since they want to become immediate contributors, they also want immediate feedback. It is important to provide small-course corrections early on, so you are not coming back to them at a later date trying to conduct a major overhaul. It will be too late.
Frequent praise: This group was raised with much more praise than baby boomers, so they need to know early and often if they are doing well. This approach will help "keep them in the game" so you don't lose their attention.
Constant Learning: Echo-boomers want to constantly learn new skills and achieve new platitudes. Whether it's a new project, task, or attending a seminar (make sure it's relevant to their job!), you'll be much more likely to keep them engaged.
Unfortunately, these characteristics will not change with the upcoming generation (X), it will only intensify due to the fact this group is growing up with digital technology and, therefore, frequent communication is even more of a reality.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Avoid Haters Acheive Life's Purpose
Recently, I read a poem by Maya Angelou entitled "Haters." I think it defines some key principles we all should think about (young and old), as we travel life's journey.
She starts off by defining a hater: "A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall." This is so true, and something all of us, especially our youth should always remember. It's okay to be unique, in fact, I encourage it. I often hear of junior high to high school age teenagers trying so hard to fit in, and feeling lonely because they don't. Even as adults, we often "settle" in a rut to try and achieve some goal that society has defined for us as success. I have three messages for you that I have derived from Maya Angelou's poem (excerpts in quotes):
1-Be guarded and even protective of your dreams (Avoid Haters): "That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed..."
2-Identify your unique purpose: "A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you."
3-Make sure you are not a hater (Check your own internal thought process): "You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...The problem with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story..."
A wise person once told me to stay in my lane. I think that is good advice. I need to spend less time worrying about what others have, and what I don't. More time should be spent on how I can maximize the gifts I have while demonstrating value. Remember, someone is always watching, and they can truly learn from a unique individual, not someone trying to be a carbon copy of someone else.
She starts off by defining a hater: "A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall." This is so true, and something all of us, especially our youth should always remember. It's okay to be unique, in fact, I encourage it. I often hear of junior high to high school age teenagers trying so hard to fit in, and feeling lonely because they don't. Even as adults, we often "settle" in a rut to try and achieve some goal that society has defined for us as success. I have three messages for you that I have derived from Maya Angelou's poem (excerpts in quotes):
1-Be guarded and even protective of your dreams (Avoid Haters): "That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed..."
2-Identify your unique purpose: "A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you."
3-Make sure you are not a hater (Check your own internal thought process): "You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...The problem with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story..."
A wise person once told me to stay in my lane. I think that is good advice. I need to spend less time worrying about what others have, and what I don't. More time should be spent on how I can maximize the gifts I have while demonstrating value. Remember, someone is always watching, and they can truly learn from a unique individual, not someone trying to be a carbon copy of someone else.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Enjoying What You Do
Last night I saw a smooth jazz concert. The people on stage (Peter White, Steve Cole, Nick Colionne) really seemed to enjoy what they do. Actually that's an understatement. They absolutely appeared to love what they do. At the scheduled end of the concert, they performed an impromptu jam session where the two guitarists were just playing off of each other for about 1/2 hour to forty five minutes "tearing it up" really giving the people their money's worth.
It occurred to me that it is so important to like what you do. You may not love every minute or every task, but to find something that taps into one's true talent and "gifting" should be an ultimate goal. I wonder if we are learning that in these tumultuous times. More importantly, are we teaching this to our youth? The same youth who are disenchanted with the "9 to 5" workday and the obvious disappearance of the 20yr commitment and retirement at 65 (with the gold watch). Are we still learning?
It occurred to me that it is so important to like what you do. You may not love every minute or every task, but to find something that taps into one's true talent and "gifting" should be an ultimate goal. I wonder if we are learning that in these tumultuous times. More importantly, are we teaching this to our youth? The same youth who are disenchanted with the "9 to 5" workday and the obvious disappearance of the 20yr commitment and retirement at 65 (with the gold watch). Are we still learning?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Are You Leading an "Unbalanced" Life
What type of things make us feel unbalanced? It can be too much emphasis on work, and insufficient amount of positive experiences, people who drain us and don't give back. All these things can be a drain on us mentally and physically. The worst part is that we often neglect those we love and should be giving more attention.
During these times I believe it is very important for us to take back control and regain our sanity. We need to remove the negative things (including people) and stop engaging in habits that produce negativity. This may involve changing our surroundings or finding a new hobby. Perhaps we need to find new purpose. Even a volunteer effort to help others can be invigorating.
You'd be surprised how focusing on others' problems can liberate you to a new understanding. This can help us to find new purpose and meaning. I've often heard teachers (and even managers) talk about the reward that comes with being a key part of someone else's success. Mentoring is a great activity. Stephen Covey talks about "modeling the way" in his book the "8th Habit." When we mentor someone, it helps us to refocus, clearly see our talents and skills, and it reaffirms our value in the world.
The Bottom Line: Get yourself back on track and reclaim your sanity. Take back control.
During these times I believe it is very important for us to take back control and regain our sanity. We need to remove the negative things (including people) and stop engaging in habits that produce negativity. This may involve changing our surroundings or finding a new hobby. Perhaps we need to find new purpose. Even a volunteer effort to help others can be invigorating.
You'd be surprised how focusing on others' problems can liberate you to a new understanding. This can help us to find new purpose and meaning. I've often heard teachers (and even managers) talk about the reward that comes with being a key part of someone else's success. Mentoring is a great activity. Stephen Covey talks about "modeling the way" in his book the "8th Habit." When we mentor someone, it helps us to refocus, clearly see our talents and skills, and it reaffirms our value in the world.
The Bottom Line: Get yourself back on track and reclaim your sanity. Take back control.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Career Transition
Most of us are caught up or impacted by the changes in the job market. Many of us are having to make really tough decisions: leaving a long term employer (after being let go), managing family finances, moving to a new area, or dipping into savings.
One of the most difficult choices involves actually changing a career, especially after having honed your skills in one particular area. What struck me was how many are actually making this decision in, especially in today's economy. A lot are making the "plunge" into entrepreneurial ventures or starting on that dream or vision.
In the long run, this may be good for our economy since more people are "rolling up their sleeves" and demonstrating their resolve by engaging in new areas of productivity. However, the more important intangible result is the realization that talents or skills can be implemented on a daily basis. Many are tapping into gifts or passions that were "side" activities or hobbies. We may be creating a healthier America where the right things are emphasized. Not just ingenuity or creativity, but actually enjoying what I do because it's fulfilling. "I can't wait to get to work" type mentality.
One recent article I read in the Wall Street Journal talked about a former sales rep who started a barbecue sauce after being let go by a major pharmaceutical company. This gentleman had been through several prior positions, including a seven year stint with Sony music sales where he organized promotional events for artists (including Tony Bennett!). Barbecue sauce sounds like a strange transition right? It actually is not when you understand that this individual realized his love for cooking and combined that with a quest for the perfect sauce. Since he couldn't find what he was looking for in any store, he created his own! After being encouraged by a friend to try and sale his concoction, he peddled it to his hometown market, and now won shelf space in a group of Whole Foods stores. Of course, it's not all "peaches and cream," he's just breaking even. But what an accomplishment and what a great feeling to get up everyday and actually enjoy your work and see what you've created come to fruition. We should all look for the ability to stretch ourselves and explore new areas during this period of transition.
One of the most difficult choices involves actually changing a career, especially after having honed your skills in one particular area. What struck me was how many are actually making this decision in, especially in today's economy. A lot are making the "plunge" into entrepreneurial ventures or starting on that dream or vision.
In the long run, this may be good for our economy since more people are "rolling up their sleeves" and demonstrating their resolve by engaging in new areas of productivity. However, the more important intangible result is the realization that talents or skills can be implemented on a daily basis. Many are tapping into gifts or passions that were "side" activities or hobbies. We may be creating a healthier America where the right things are emphasized. Not just ingenuity or creativity, but actually enjoying what I do because it's fulfilling. "I can't wait to get to work" type mentality.
One recent article I read in the Wall Street Journal talked about a former sales rep who started a barbecue sauce after being let go by a major pharmaceutical company. This gentleman had been through several prior positions, including a seven year stint with Sony music sales where he organized promotional events for artists (including Tony Bennett!). Barbecue sauce sounds like a strange transition right? It actually is not when you understand that this individual realized his love for cooking and combined that with a quest for the perfect sauce. Since he couldn't find what he was looking for in any store, he created his own! After being encouraged by a friend to try and sale his concoction, he peddled it to his hometown market, and now won shelf space in a group of Whole Foods stores. Of course, it's not all "peaches and cream," he's just breaking even. But what an accomplishment and what a great feeling to get up everyday and actually enjoy your work and see what you've created come to fruition. We should all look for the ability to stretch ourselves and explore new areas during this period of transition.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)